65: farewell 2024, thanks for the alchemizing lessons in truth and courage

dear 2025, I'm ready for you!

Up until my late 20’s, I attended New Year services at church. In my spiritual affiliation, Unity, we went through 2 ceremonies.

In the first ceremony, we’d write all the things we wanted to release from the old year, then burn them. It was called the Burning Bowl ceremony.

We’d also write a letter to our future selves for the next year. The letters would be addressed to ourselves and held at church. Then some time in the next year, usually late summer, we would receive the letter.

I miss these rituals of organized religion. They formally closed out one year and opened us to another.

I’m sending this letter today to intentionally close out 2024.

Privately, I wrote out my 2024 highlights. They were a mixed bag.

What stood out was that 2024 was the year I made up with the Divine. By that I mean, I returned to the essence of me.

Ascended into Queendom

The year started with my parents home under contract. It marked the end of an era. Me formally taking responsibility for their care and making life altering decisions on their behalf.

I am no longer the child. In actions, not words, they passed the torch to me.

I graciously, and imperfectly, became their caregiver.

Returned to the fullness of desire

In 2024, I got divorced for the second time.

How to describe this divorce?

It taught me to go for the fullness of what I want. Whereas I shaved myself to contour and fit into something I thought I should be to get what I thought I wanted, it turned out that I could never have what I want when I’m no longer myself.

Because…what I MOST want is to be FULLY me!

To honor my desires. To fully express. To walk my path.

Opened to possibilities

When my ex told me that he wanted a divorce, I felt totally liberated. My first thought was, “Great! Now I can leave this place!”

All the possibilities opened up and I chose Charlotte North Carolina as my next home.

While Charlotte may not be my final destination, it was chosen intentionally and is a good place for all of us - for now.

Stayed present in crises

Within weeks of moving, my Dad wandered into the neighbor’s garage and they called the police. It was jarring - a wake up call - but it wouldn’t be the last time he would wander.

In late summer, his wandering escalated.

It was terrifying.

But, it didn’t scare me out of myself. Nor did I freeze as was my previous response to terror.

Instead, I took precautions - AirTag, door chime, lock deterrent. I acted - some out of the fear, and a lot out of presence.

That’s new and impressive to me.

Told my Truth

In the fall, I started therapy.

I tried therapy before. It never worked because I was never honest.

This time was different. I told the truth - no sugar coating, no glossing over, no editing. Just my story as it plays in my head. No trying to see other perspectives, or giving the benefit of the doubt.

Former teachers may say that I went into full victimhood.

Whatever the case, I’m glad I told my story as I see it, and that I continue to do so. That I have one safe space where they listen and they don’t judge.

Stepping through the portal

In all the years of practicing the rituals of the burning bowl ceremony and the letter to my new self, I never felt the definitive end of one year and opening of another the way I feel it this year.

The close of 2024 feels like the close of one portal and opening of another.

Maybe it’s because I turned 50 in 2024. It feels more like it’s because I was purified by fire this year - alchemized.

I walked through it and emerged more me. Impurities burnt away.

In touch with desire with the courage and the wisdom to see it all the way through.

For the first time in years, I have concrete goals for 2025. Outcome oriented goals. A few of which I have no clue how they’re happening.

I have the faith, the courage, the HOPE to dream again. To believe that I can actually have what I want in all its glory, not just a slice or close approximation.

And I’m going for it!

Thank you 2024🙏🏽

Cheers to 2025🥂

In Joy,

Nneka