70: is independence overrated?
what my trip to Trinidad taught me about belonging
I got back from Trinidad in the wee hours last Saturday/Sunday. The flight landed at midnight. I’m still out of my rhythm. I got so much out of the trip.
One thing I noticed was that I wasn’t drained by the social activity - and there was A LOT!
I was even nourished by it.
Before I left, I was dreading the everyday limes and the pass through culture. While there, I felt the opposite. For the most part, my family was respectful of my space. They were extremely supportive as I handled personal business, opened a bank account, and took care of my mom when she had to go to the hospital.
I noticed that in the US any one of those things would have taken me out. In Trinidad, I felt held.
It got me thinking about social contracts and safety nets.
Like it or not, I have a safety net there. It’s wide and strong. Sometimes prickly. Sometimes soft.
My memory of this net was focused on hyper-criticism. I forgot that they have my best interest at heart - genuinely. They know the value of family.
I took for granted that life in Trinidad is made of social contracts. I took for granted the power of our network - not just my family, but their friends. Their extensive, often from birth, connections.
Connections that were forged digging in mud, playing marbles, going to lessons, partying. Later forged at work, through children, and again, partying.
It’s difficult to describe the safety net available to me there.
Yet, the trade off is solitude. Individualism. Thinking outside agreed upon norms.
When I moved to North Carolina, it was to put down roots. In Trinidad, I don’t need to “put down roots”. My roots are already there. Deeply embedded and well nourished.
That reality is hard to shake.
The question that comes up for me, am I willing to trade going my own way for the safety net?
Perhaps I need to ask a different question. How long and how much am I willing to be the lone wolf when I clearly need a pack?
The truth is, I cannot do it alone. I cannot care for my parents in isolation. I can’t retire healthily alone.
I NEED community. It’s time I stop running from it. Time I stop trying to contrive it.
After all, belonging is smack dab in the middle of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It supports self esteem and self actualization.
Maybe it’s time I lean into my deep roots.
I may find that my voice is stronger. That my life is richer. That I am even more ME when I accept that I am not alone and I acknowledge and lean into community.
Let’s see:-)
In Joy,
Nneka
PS. Where are your roots? How do you lean into them?