77: waiting for your soft life to manifest?

start living it NOW!

If you’re following the chronicles of Nneka, you know that I need to move out of the house I rented—the one that looked good on paper, but never felt like home. The neighborhood wasn’t very neighborly. And somehow, 3,000 square feet still felt too tight for two grown women.

I flipped back and forth for a bit.

Should I move to Raleigh? Orlando?

I kept circling around memories.
Nneka, newly single in a cute downtown cottage.
Nneka, woman about town, exploring her sexuality.

It wasn’t that I wanted to return to those places.
I just missed those versions of me.

They were happy places.

But, life is moving forward.

There’s no going back.
No re-creating.
And truthfully - I don’t want to.

The thing is, I didn’t know what I did want to create.

Yes, I want to be a woman of pleasure. That’s the destination.

But what about the in-between?

What about now?

Do I stall out?

Sit around and wait for a new life to just…begin?

My search was stuck. I had a big decision in front of me and I froze.

Even my brother remarked that he was surprised I wasn’t further along.

Then a friend said something that cracked me open.

“Don’t put your life on hold until you’re a woman of pleasure. Be her now.”

Whew!

This question shifted everything: How can I be a woman of pleasure now?

Where would she live?

How I found my apartment

I started feeling my way forward.

First, I visited my brother’s apartment complex—not to live with him, but near.

It was fine. Comfortable. And I remembered that I like apartment living.

Covered balconies. People milling around. Trees I don’t have to care for.

Manicured lawns maintained by someone else.

Still, something didn’t click.

It was dated. And I realized something important.

I want an updated kitchen.

Quartz countertops. White subway tile. You know, HGTV dreams.

Next I went to see a cute townhouse in midtown. Walkable. Quiet. Close to the chaos just enough.

On paper, it was perfect.

In person, it felt… soul-less.

Like it was trying too hard to pretend it had history.

Too many echoes of who I’ve been. Not enough space for who I’m becoming.

I kept going.

And then, I found it.

Before I even walked in, I knew.

Perfect apartment complex.

Greenway access (though I’ve yet to find it).

A 2020-style kitchen. Resort-style pool. A punching station in the gym - never seen that before.

And, ironically, it’s right across the street from my brother.

I went to see it Friday and fell in love.

I woke up Saturday morning feeling unshackled, unleashed - FUH-REE!

Living my soft life now, not deferred

Here’s the thing, I hadn’t even realized I was holding back.

Yes, I knew on paper that I had put my life on pause to care for my parents.

I love that I don’t feel resentful about it or obliged to do it. Nor do I feel like I get a badge or reward for it.

I just didn’t fully feel how much I held back my own desires.

Saturday, I went back to pay the application fee.

I walked the grounds.

I sat at the grilling station near Central Park, just being.

The hydrangeas were in peak bloom.

Pink and plush.

Nestled.

And it hit me. This feels like me now.

Not past-Nneka.

Not future-Nneka.

Present-day Nneka.

Nneka with experienced preferences.

Space. Light. Quiet luxury.

Nneka, the author.

The Oracle.

The woman of pleasure, right here, in this moment - living her soft life.

My Invitation to You

Sometimes we have a goal that feels way off. It’s over there. It might even be in motion. Yet, we still feel stuck. Like it’s moving like molasses.

Just know, you don’t have to wait for your real life to begin.

You don’t have to stall until the money is perfect, the timing is perfect, the everything-is-all-aligned is perfect.

You can let your desire lead you now - in the tiny whispers.

What if the future version of you is asking you to make space, not someday, but this week?

This moment?

Start small.

Name what you want.

Notice what clicks and what doesn’t.

You might be surprised by what your own freedom feels like.

I know I was.

In Joy,
Nneka
Trini-born sage and oracle

P.S. If you’re in your own “in between,” I’d love to know - what clicks are you listening for? Comment below and tell me one thing your woman of pleasure is whispering to you now. I read every note🩷